Do you find yourself letting your past poison your future? Is it possible that God has a reappointment for every disappointment in our lives? I married a friend from my childhood days. It was a third marriage for both of us, which made us high risk for success. But after seeking wise counsel, taking compatibility tests, and taking the required marriage counseling classes, I was convinced it was a right choice. We were warned of the blended family issues, but certainly believed we could overcome with God’s help. True to all the warnings, life was difficult. Blended family issues were difficult. I didn’t realize how difficult, until one day when I came home at lunch time to find a letter on my pillow and all of my husband’s personal items, including pictures, the family car and his work car, gone, vanished, just like that! He stated in the letter that he was too angry to talk about it. It would be ten months before I would hear my husband’s voice again. But my testimony is about the voice I did hear! That would be my Father God... He has lavished me with His grace and blessings! In the days and weeks to come, much of my time would be spent in a haze. I know that God protected my daughter, who was ten at the time, and me during those long, dark days. God surrounded me with Godly women to encourage me and pray for me. As the haze began to lift, I knew the answers to any questions could only come from my Father God. (“But if you will look to God and plead with the Almighty, if you are pure and upright, even now He will rouse Himself on your behalf and restore you to your rightful place. Your beginnings will seem humble, so prosperous will your future be.” Job 8:5-7) For many months I prayed that God would restore my marriage, and I believed that nothing was impossible. So I began a time of “active waiting”. I was very content with knowing that all I had to do was be faithful and trust that God was at work. I wrote to my husband regularly letting him know that I was praying for him and that not any of our difficulties were greater than God’s power of healing. But all the while my faith was growing in such an enormous way, and my contentment even greater. Eventually, it would become clear that restoration of my marriage was not to be. God always offers a way for restoration, but he will never force us to make that choice. My husband was not willing to make that choice. You might be wondering where all of my anger and hurt was during this time. The anger was there, but as I began to pray and ask God to let me see my husband through God’s eyes, the forgiveness began to take the place of the anger. Forgiveness is a deliberate choice we have to make. To make the choice of an unforgiving heart is to open the doorway to give Satan a stronghold and to lead us into a bondage that will steal our joy and our peace. I came to understand that my husband’s departure was about him, not me, not my daughter, and not blended family issues. Yes, those were very real, but not an acceptable excuse for turning away. The reality that God took me to was my own sin, my own part of what happened. So my journey continued, moving from a place of hopefulness for restoration of my marriage, to a place of acceptance and dealing with divorce. God’s questions to me... what about your own sin, Connie?... what was your part?... how will you respond?... how did you miss the mark? My search for the answers became my quest. Once we surrender to seek His truth we are then available to look at ourselves and earnestly search for truth about our part. God has shown me that He truly is a reliable God. God’s answers will not always fit our expectations. As we place our faith and trust in God, it then becomes necessary to find acceptance in the way answers come and know that we know it is God’s best for us. We must also remember that another person’s wrong choices, though they may hurt us deeply, cannot thwart God’s ultimate plan for our lives! As I moved into the realm of acceptance, I came to understand that regardless of what I have experienced, regardless of what the offense may be, I am responsible for my response. My response is about me, not the other person or the circumstances. The choices I make from this point forward is about my character and integrity. In looking at truth about myself, it required an honest look at my behavior patterns that were present long before my third marriage. As I dared to look into that mirror, God revealed absolute truth, just as he promises. My longing for unconditional love... a need to be taken care of, looking for someone else to make me complete. A quote from Oswald Chambers, “No love of the natural heart is safe unless the human heart has been satisfied by God first”. Only God’s love never fails. I have walked through much of my life with an “empty cup”, like a blind man on the street corner, asking and accepting whatever or whoever might make a contribution, be it a penny, a dime or a quarter. Today my cup has been filled; it overflows with God’s grace, his mercy and his blessings. For me it requires a constant focus each day on knowing who I am in Christ. Some days are difficult, but it can usually be attributed to losing my focus. It’s a disease I call the “I wants”. To get over the “I wants” it requires regaining my focus on the blessings God has given me and by seeking his direction for the day or the moment. What brings the greatest success for me is to stay “other centered”. I am blessed with an awesome job, which is in ministry. Each day is focused on how we can serve others and how we can show the love of Jesus to those in need. The consequences of my bad choices are a daily part of my life. But, please let me rush to say that God’s grace and mercy are sufficient for each day. God’s grace is allowing me to experience restoration of a relationship with my older daughter whom I abandoned when she was only five. She is now 28 and married. We are seeking to establish a relationship, though we aren’t sure sometimes exactly what it should look like. The blessing is that the door is open because of God’s grace and my daughter’s willingness to start the forgiveness process. Of course, it was also necessary for me to forgive myself. God promises blessing will always follow obedience. These last four years have taken me to a place of intimacy with my Father God that I had never visited before. I’m no longer just visiting... I’m home. Many times in our lives we are dropped, crumpled, and ground into the dirt, sometimes, because of decisions we made, and sometimes by circumstances beyond our control. We feel as though we are worthless. The great news is that no matter what has happened, or what may happen, you will never lose your value in God’s eyes. To Him, dirty or clean, crumpled or finely creased, you are still priceless. You must know who you are in Christ and understand there is no condemnation, that we have been justified, sanctified and glorified through Christ. With this knowledge/wisdom our faith cannot be shaken. Every day we are in the process of being sanctified -- every event in our lives contributes to making us more Christ-like. For me, as a believer, my pain and my mistakes have not rendered me ineffective in life. Quite the contrary, they have equipped me to share with others God’s true reliability. God made a way for me to become a homeowner. My thirteen-year-old daughter is doing well, though the challenges are great and can be quite overwhelming at times. God has given me a job that offers opportunity for ministry, co-workers and a boss that seem more like family, and a place to be that offers a healthy dose of encouragement on a daily basis. Praise God from whom all blessings flow! Life is not about trying to unscramble the wrong turns, the mishaps, and the cruel intentions of others. It is about accepting where we are this day and believing that the best is yet to be! Walk in faith that all of God’s promises are true. “...the stronger the winds...the deeper the roots, and the longer the winds, the more beautiful the tree.” Psalm 1:3 Romans 8:28: And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love Him, who have been called according to his purpose.