You Kept Your Promises to Mom
by David Mathis
WC 2896 You Kept Your Promises to
Mom
Six Reasons We Love Faithful Fathers
Article by David Mathis xecutive
Editor, desiringGod.org
Sunday is not Mother’s Day, and
Mother’s Day is not Parent’s Day. In
God’s common kindness, on the third
Sunday of June, at least in the
United States, we honor fathers.
Even though we often praise
mothers and fathers for generic
virtues that could be true of either
— love, joy, peace, patience,
kindness, goodness, gentleness,
faithfulness, and self-control — it
is also fitting to give thought to
what it means to honor a father as
father. What makes Dad a dad (and
not a mom)?
Of course, no earthly father is
perfect. Many, if not most, have
obvious flaws, and clearly some are
manifestly “worse” than others. And
the stakes are great in fatherly
failures or fatherlessness, because
of God’s particular calling on
fathers as fathers. When fathers
fail, the devastation can be deep
and enduring. The dysfunction and
pain can last a lifetime, and echo
in subsequent generations. And yet
even when our fathers have failed
us, we still typically have
something to be thankful for — and
not just virtues that overlap with
Mom’s, but qualities that were
distinct manifestations of his
fatherly masculinity.
What might you say to Dad? Consider
several ways you might honor your
father as father this year. Perhaps
just one applies, or a few, but you
can honor Dad for what you can. And
for fathers, especially young
fathers, consider these reminders of
the high calling God has given us.
1. Dad, you were present and
available.
One of the great tragedies in our
day is how absent many fathers are.
And many more are present
physically, but unavailable
emotionally. A father’s presence, or
absence, will shape his home
profoundly. “Thanks for being there”
or “You were always there” may sound
simple, but these can be significant
words for a father to hear from a
child. As Robert Coleman writes
about discipleship, “The only way
that a father can properly raise a
family is to be with it.”
And when a father is present and
available, he is able to know his
children personally and
specifically, not just generally —
and to speak into their lives
personally. Because Paul had been
present and available (1
Thessalonians 2:8–10), he could
write, “You know how, like a father
with his children, we exhorted each
one of you and encouraged you . . .”
(1 Thessalonians 2:11–12). He knew
them specifically and could speak
into their lives, as a father, with
specificity, not just in
generalities.
2. You carried a special weight for
the family.
God calls fathers to gladly assume
sacrificial responsibility for his
wife and family. It begins with a
special kind of care for Mom. God
requires more of a husband in
relation to his wife than God
requires of the wife in relation to
her husband (Ephesians 5:22–33;
Colossians 3:19; 1 Peter 3:7).
Then, as an extension, fathers also
shoulder a peculiar responsibility
to initiate toward, provide for, and
protect the family. God gives men
the broad emotional shoulders for
carrying the weight of the family,
by faith. God means for dads to
carry more burdens than moms, not
less, and even with their strong
shoulders, to regularly come to the
end of themselves, and lean
consciously on God with specific
trust.
3. You did not abuse your fatherly
power.
God gives fathers a remarkable power
in the lives of their children. A
finite, dependent, insecure child
unavoidably looks to dad for safety
and love and affirmation. And God
calls fathers to use their dad power
to help their children, not hurt
them. To serve them, not control
them. To encourage them, not demean
them. To give to them, not take from
them. God calls dads to buckstop the
hardest decisions, not just the easy
ones — to selflessly own the
toughest calls instead of always
selfishly making the simple ones.
When Paul says, “Fathers, do not
provoke your children,” he is
acknowledging the extraordinary
power dads have (Ephesians 6:4).
Dad’s effect on his children will
not be neutral. His power, even if
he remains unconscious of it, will
work for the child’s good or ill,
for establishing in righteousness or
provoking to sin. God gives dads
this power to use on their
children’s behalf, not against them.
The heart of fatherhood, like the
heart of Christ, is self-sacrifice
to serve, not be served (Mark
10:45). Taking our cues from Jesus
doesn’t mean dad assumes his place
on the throne, but that he “gives
himself up” (Ephesians 5:25) for the
good of his children.
4. You formed our identities.
Christians often sum up the six days
of creation in Genesis 1 as
“forming” and “filling.” Days 1–3:
God forms the world. Days 4–6: he
fills the world with its
inhabitants. Similarly, dads and
moms have complementary callings in
forming and filling, whether the
home and its culture or the children
and their upbringing.
In particular, dads have a special
power in forming or shaping the
identities of their children, while
mothers fill and develop. Dad’s
forming work happens not only
through words, but words are
important, even central (1
Thessalonians 2:11–12). We might say
that dads name and moms nurture. Dad
names and forms (as Mom nurtures and
fills) the children’s identities,
especially their spiritual
identities. Who can estimate the
lifelong impact of seeing dad
engaged in corporate worship,
leading in prayer, reading God’s
words, or saying, “I love Jesus”?
And Dad’s role is vital in affirming
sons as future men, and daughters as
future women. Dads speak and show to
their sons that they are like dad,
and that’s good. Sons learn from dad
how to care for others, as dad does
for mom. And dads speak and show to
daughters that they are like mom,
and that’s very good. Daughters
learn from dad how a man cares for a
woman, as dad cares for mom.
5. You disciplined us for our good.
God calls fathers to lead the way in
discipline and correction. Paul
charges fathers in particular, not
parents in general, “Fathers, do not
provoke your children to anger, but
bring them up in the discipline and
instruction of the Lord” (Ephesians
6:4). This doesn’t mean Mom is not
involved in discipline. She most
certainly is. But fathers bear a
special burden in formation, and in
doing so, they teach us about our
heavenly Father:
What son is there whom his father
does not discipline? If you are left
without discipline, in which all
have participated, then you are
illegitimate children and not sons.
Besides this, we have had earthly
fathers who disciplined us and we
respected them. Shall we not much
more be subject to the Father of
spirits and live? For they
disciplined us for a short time as
it seemed best to them, but he
disciplines us for our good, that we
may share his holiness. For the
moment all discipline seems painful
rather than pleasant, but later it
yields the peaceful fruit of
righteousness to those who have been
trained by it. (Hebrews 12:7–11)
God calls fathers to love their
children enough to discipline them —
not in a way that’s convenient for
dad, but costly to him, both in time
and emotional energy. Convenient
discipline comes from selfishness.
Costly discipline flows from love.
6. You kept your promises to Mom.
Looking back on my childhood now, no
words from my father move me more
deeply to joy and gratitude like
remembering his blood-earnest
promise, “I will never divorce your
mom.” Growing up in the 80s and
early 90s, seeing friend after
friend suffering through the process
and aftermath of their parents’
divorce, my father’s words were
bedrock under our feet as kids
trying to find our legs in a
confusing world. I could see it in
my father’s eyes and hear it in his
voice. Come what may, he would never
abandon my mother.
The foundation of our family, under
God, wasn’t Mom’s commitment to Dad,
vital as it was. It was Dad’s
unbreakable, unassailable commitment
to Mom. In this way, Dad taught us
deep down, long before we could
understand it enough to express it,
that the bedrock foundation of the
new covenant is not the church’s
commitment to Christ, but Christ’s
to the church. As good as it was to
hear, and believe, that Dad would
never divorce Mom, he was simply
echoing another’s words: “I will
never leave you nor forsake you”
(Hebrews 13:5).
Dad, you kept your promises to Mom,
and oh what fruit grew in this soil.
You Kept Your Promises to Mom
Six Reasons We Love Faithful Fathers
Article by David Mathis
Executive Editor, desiringGod.org
Sunday is not Mother’s Day, and
Mother’s Day is not Parent’s Day. In
God’s common kindness, on the third
Sunday of June, at least in the
United States, we honor fathers.
Even though we often praise mothers
and fathers for generic virtues that
could be true of either — love, joy,
peace, patience, kindness, goodness,
gentleness, faithfulness, and self-
control — it is also fitting to give
thought to what it means to honor a
father as father. What makes Dad a
dad (and not a mom)?
Of course, no earthly father is
perfect. Many, if not most, have
obvious flaws, and clearly some are
manifestly “worse” than others. And
the stakes are great in fatherly
failures or fatherlessness, because
of God’s particular calling on
fathers as fathers. When fathers
fail, the devastation can be deep
and enduring. The dysfunction and
pain can last a lifetime, and echo
in subsequent generations. And yet
even when our fathers have failed
us, we still typically have
something to be thankful for — and
not just virtues that overlap with
Mom’s, but qualities that were
distinct manifestations of his
fatherly masculinity.
What might you say to Dad? Consider
several ways you might honor your
father as father this year. Perhaps
just one applies, or a few, but you
can honor Dad for what you can. And
for fathers, especially young
fathers, consider these reminders of
the high calling God has given us.
1. Dad, you were present and
available.
One of the great tragedies in our
day is how absent many fathers are.
And many more are present
physically, but unavailable
emotionally. A father’s presence, or
absence, will shape his home
profoundly. “Thanks for being there”
or “You were always there” may sound
simple, but these can be significant
words for a father to hear from a
child. As Robert Coleman writes
about discipleship, “The only way
that a father can properly raise a
family is to be with it.”
And when a father is present and
available, he is able to know his
children personally and
specifically, not just generally —
and to speak into their lives
personally. Because Paul had been
present and available (1
Thessalonians 2:8–10), he could
write, “You know how, like a father
with his children, we exhorted each
one of you and encouraged you . . .”
(1 Thessalonians 2:11–12). He knew
them specifically and could speak
into their lives, as a father, with
specificity, not just in
generalities.
2. You carried a special weight for
the family.
God calls fathers to gladly assume
sacrificial responsibility for his
wife and family. It begins with a
special kind of care for Mom. God
requires more of a husband in
relation to his wife than God
requires of the wife in relation to
her husband (Ephesians 5:22–33;
Colossians 3:19; 1 Peter 3:7).
Then, as an extension, fathers also
shoulder a peculiar responsibility
to initiate toward, provide for, and
protect the family. God gives men
the broad emotional shoulders for
carrying the weight of the family,
by faith. God means for dads to
carry more burdens than moms, not
less, and even with their strong
shoulders, to regularly come to the
end of themselves, and lean
consciously on God with specific
trust.
3. You did not abuse your fatherly
power.
God gives fathers a remarkable power
in the lives of their children. A
finite, dependent, insecure child
unavoidably looks to dad for safety
and love and affirmation. And God
calls fathers to use their dad power
to help their children, not hurt
them. To serve them, not control
them. To encourage them, not demean
them. To give to them, not take from
them. God calls dads to buckstop the
hardest decisions, not just the easy
ones — to selflessly own the
toughest calls instead of always
selfishly making the simple ones.
When Paul says, “Fathers, do not
provoke your children,” he is
acknowledging the extraordinary
power dads have (Ephesians 6:4).
Dad’s effect on his children will
not be neutral. His power, even if
he remains unconscious of it, will
work for the child’s good or ill,
for establishing in righteousness or
provoking to sin. God gives dads
this power to use on their
children’s behalf, not against them.
The heart of fatherhood, like the
heart of Christ, is self-sacrifice
to serve, not be served (Mark
10:45). Taking our cues from Jesus
doesn’t mean dad assumes his place
on the throne, but that he “gives
himself up” (Ephesians 5:25) for the
good of his children.
4. You formed our identities.
Christians often sum up the six days
of creation in Genesis 1 as
“forming” and “filling.” Days 1–3:
God forms the world. Days 4–6: he
fills the world with its
inhabitants. Similarly, dads and
moms have complementary callings in
forming and filling, whether the
home and its culture or the children
and their upbringing.
In particular, dads have a special
power in forming or shaping the
identities of their children, while
mothers fill and develop. Dad’s
forming work happens not only
through words, but words are
important, even central (1
Thessalonians 2:11–12). We might say
that dads name and moms nurture. Dad
names and forms (as Mom nurtures and
fills) the children’s identities,
especially their spiritual
identities. Who can estimate the
lifelong impact of seeing dad
engaged in corporate worship,
leading in prayer, reading God’s
words, or saying, “I love Jesus”?
And Dad’s role is vital in affirming
sons as future men, and daughters as
future women. Dads speak and show to
their sons that they are like dad,
and that’s good. Sons learn from dad
how to care for others, as dad does
for mom. And dads speak and show to
daughters that they are like mom,
and that’s very good. Daughters
learn from dad how a man cares for a
woman, as dad cares for mom.
5. You disciplined us for our good.
God calls fathers to lead the way in
discipline and correction. Paul
charges fathers in particular, not
parents in general, “Fathers, do not
provoke your children to anger, but
bring them up in the discipline and
instruction of the Lord” (Ephesians
6:4). This doesn’t mean Mom is not
involved in discipline. She most
certainly is. But fathers bear a
special burden in formation, and in
doing so, they teach us about our
heavenly Father:
What son is there whom his father
does not discipline? If you are left
without discipline, in which all
have participated, then you are
illegitimate children and not sons.
Besides this, we have had earthly
fathers who disciplined us and we
respected them. Shall we not much
more be subject to the Father of
spirits and live? For they
disciplined us for a short time as
it seemed best to them, but he
disciplines us for our good, that we
may share his holiness. For the
moment all discipline seems painful
rather than pleasant, but later it
yields the peaceful fruit of
righteousness to those who have been
trained by it. (Hebrews 12:7–11)
God calls fathers to love their
children enough to discipline them —
not in a way that’s convenient for
dad, but costly to him, both in time
and emotional energy. Convenient
discipline comes from selfishness.
Costly discipline flows from love.
6. You kept your promises to Mom.
Looking back on my childhood now, no
words from my father move me more
deeply to joy and gratitude like
remembering his blood-earnest
promise, “I will never divorce your
mom.” Growing up in the 80s and
early 90s, seeing friend after
friend suffering through the process
and aftermath of their parents’
divorce, my father’s words were
bedrock under our feet as kids
trying to find our legs in a
confusing world. I could see it in
my father’s eyes and hear it in his
voice. Come what may, he would never
abandon my mother.
The foundation of our family, under
God, wasn’t Mom’s commitment to Dad,
vital as it was. It was Dad’s
unbreakable, unassailable commitment
to Mom. In this way, Dad taught us
deep down, long before we could
understand it enough to express it,
that the bedrock foundation of the
new covenant is not the church’s
commitment to Christ, but Christ’s
to the church. As good as it was to
hear, and believe, that Dad would
never divorce Mom, he was simply
echoing another’s words: “I will
never leave you nor forsake you”
(Hebrews 13:5).
Dad, you kept your promises to Mom,
and oh what fruit grew in this soil.
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