What I Learned

In 2007 I learned I was pregnant and I was already opening my own business. I was somewhat upset about my pregnancy and at the same time happy. You see to me a child, is the most beautiful gift that Gad has given a woman. I love the whole part about being pregnant especially when they start to move and kick. I always miss that after I have them. Well, anyway while I was pregnant, my first ultrasound, I learned that my baby had some fluid in the back of her neck. They told me when she is born- right away they would have to operate, and put in a shunt. But she would live a normal life. This was scary because I already had four healthy children, all normal, with no problems. The week after Easter I went to a prayer service at a friends house. They asked if anyone wanted prayer. I told them I did. They asked if I had a special request and I said that God knew what was in my heart. So as they prayed I closed my eyes and I asked God to take care of my baby to heal her. I saw Jesus standing in front of me with his arms stretched out. I started to cry and without saying anything I started thinking in my mind, please Lord don’t take my child. You see God knows what’s in your heart, you don’t have to speak because He already knows. So then I heard these words, “don’t worry my child I’m not going to take her I just want to hold her in my arms.” Then I heard the words, that I was going to suffer, but to believe that He will be with me. Again the word, believe I will not leave you and again I was going to suffer but believe I will be with you. Three times the Lord told me He will be with me. Why, because that was going to get me through the storm. The next few months was ultrasound after ultrasound and each time I went the news was worse than the last time. All the time the Lord was preparing me through His word. At times I felt like I was dying inside but believing and praying that the Lord was going to give me a miracle. I didn’t accept what the doctor would tell me that she was real sick and she had a hernia and that because of that her organs were pushed up in her chest and her heart was on the other side. Every time before I would go to the doctor, I would read the word and many times it would say in your worries and anguish; praise me. Glorify me and give me thanks, many a time when the doctor would finish with me I would go to the restroom before leaving the hospital. So I could be alone and as I was crying, I would praise God and give thanks. Then my husband and I would drive home in silence. Two weeks before delivery they sent me to Cook’s hospital and did some test. They confirmed that my baby had the severe case of Downs syndrome and probably would not make it through delivery. I cried all the way home and through all this I would pray God make my baby perfect, heal her, and give me a miracle. The night before the doctor was going to induce labor my family came over for awhile and I asked them if they would pray for divine mercy with me. They agreed and right before I finished I spoke for the first time these words “Lord let it be your will not mine.” They were the hardest words I’ve ever had to say. The next day I went to the hospital and my beautiful baby girl was born dead. God said to believe that he would be with me and he was. I was surrounded by my family and many angels. I call them my angels because they could have stayed home, gone shopping or anywhere else, but they chose to be there all day with me and my family. What did this time of suffering teach me? Well, I couldn’t do it by myself. I had to depend on God to help me through this. I learned through his word I was strengthened.At the funeral, my 20 year old daughter and my 3 year old were looking at my baby. The three year old says to us,” Mom look at baby sissy she’s perfect.” Yes, my God had made my baby perfect for him and now I have a little angel in heaven, who is healed and perfect.
Thank you Jesus for allowing me to have my baby for 9 months in me, thank you for letting me hold her in my arms and then going into yours.

By Brian Nathaniel Morgan