The Resolution to Change
By Merrily Brast
Union Gospel Mission
Making ambitious resolutions is a New Year’s tradition for many of us.
And while the end of January marks the end of those resolutions for
many of us, UGM resident Tim O’Brien has chosen to stick to his on a
daily, weekly, and monthly basis.
Recently, Tim finished the UGM Men’s Recovery Program. But when Tim
arrived at the Men’s Shelter, he was hopeless and depressed.
“When I walked in the front door, I was as torn down as you can be. I
had no hope. I had no self-worth. I mean, the week before I wanted to
die. I didn’t have anything. I didn’t feel anything.”
BEGINNING TRANSFORMATION
Tim began the Men’s Recovery Program shortly after arriving at the
shelter, and he was determined not to leave until he transformed his
life.
“I resolved to finish. I resolved to change the person I was into the
person I always felt I could be. I wanted to be able to like myself. I
knew that in order to succeed I had to stay here and finish this
program. “
This change began with turning his life toward God and experiencing
the Lord’s grace in his life.
“I got baptized a month after I got here. I’m not too sure chapel or
being baptized had anything to do with it. God spoke to my heart… that
He loved me and that He has plans for me and He wants me to understand
who He is.”
“I have never ever thought about leaving this place. I’ve been angry.
I’ve been sad… but I’ve never once thought about leaving. I think that
God gave me that grace.”
THE POWER OF GRACE
Tim also believes God gave him the grace to end his addiction. God
changed his desires, and as his desires changed, so did Tim’s view of
himself.
“I’ve been able to stay clean long enough to start to understand
myself and not to have to run back to that. And that’s where God came
in with the smoking and the drugs. He’s taken that wanting of the drug
away, the thirst for it, He’s eased that, and that’s a big help.”
“I mean it shows up in other areas of my life…the frustration, the
sadness… but the cravings were taken away long enough for me to be
able to see who I am.”
Both the people at the Mission and those who support it have played a
significant role in Tim’s life. They not only encouraged him in his
recovery, but Tim feels they also enabled him to hear and feel God
speaking to his heart.
“The kindness and grace that are here, that’s how I was able to
understand Him…to see people who just did things because they wanted
to was a big help. People that cared about you and not just for how
big your bag of dope was. That made a big difference.”
Tim’s life has changed. He arrived hopeless, but is now hopeful.
And during this month of resolutions, Tim has his own resolutions for
the coming year—and the coming years.
“I’m resolving to stick to letting God drive the car. I resolve to go
to school. I try to press in with people instead of avoiding people.
Just to stay connected with people and not crawl back into myself. I
resolve to face what I need to face.”
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