THE GRIEF JOURNEY
By Sue Hamby, PhD
"Death leaves a heartache no one can heal, love leaves a memory no one
can steal" – Irish Proberb
Grief is a journey and something we are all going to experience some
day. As a
society, we tend to avoid talking about it as we prefer to talk about
happy events rather
than sad ones but it is better to discuss it with the Lord, family,
friends rather than
suppress it. However, as you get older, one of the first things many
people do each day is
to check the obituary column to see who has passed away that they
knew. As I scan the
obituaries, I am often surprised to see that many of the people are
younger than me so I
am reminded that one day my name will appear in that column so I need
to be prepared to
leave this world. Being a Christian doesn’t make your life trial free
and exempt from
death, but you do have hope for the future. Death brings grief and
sorrow to both the
believer and the unbeliever, but the believer looks at death
differently. Christians grieve
but their grief is different than that of the unbeliever as they have
the hope of Jesus Christ
in their lives. Our hope is not in something but in someone-Lord
Jesus Christ as He is our hope.
Each year about eight million Americans suffer the death of someone
close to
them. Losing a loved one is probably the most difficult thing we all
have to face in life
and unfortunately, few of us are ever taught how to grieve. Grief is
not a sign of
weakness but a sign of being human after losing someone or something
you loved or
valued. It is the after-effect of any deeply significant loss and can
be caused by many
different factors: divorce, loss of a part of the body, loss of a
job, decline in physical
ability, loss of a pet, and the most serious one, loss of a loved one.
Regardless if death
comes suddenly or if we have several months or even years to prepare
for it, we are never
ready. We have all heard the expression “Time heals all wounds” but in
reality, certain
things happen to us that we will never get over. But the good news is
that we can get past
those things that we will never get over. And how do you get past
those things? You
turn them over to the Lord Jesus Christ and you spend time in His
Word. Whatever the
need of the moment, the answer is to be found in scripture if we take
the time to search
for it. The Bible is God’s roadmap for life and can light your path.
On March 21, 2013, I had to face the most traumatic event in my life
when my
son, an only child, was murdered. Even though he was 50 years old, as
a mother, you
still think of them as a child and you never consider that your child
will die before you as
you assume that the parents will be the first to leave this world. It
seems so profoundly
wrong to have parents bury their children as you presume they will
bury you. To make
my event even more painful, I was the one who found his body.
Regardless of what
experiences we have in life, nothing could have ever prepared me for
this devastating
event. My son''s dead image created a scar in my heart that is hard to
describe and will
probably remain with me forever. The pain may lessen but it is never
gone. But by
God’s grace, we can begin the journey towards healing and joy that can
be ours, no
matter what we’ve been through.
Finding a loved one murdered, casts a darkness over you that causes
you to
plunge into a dark pit of despair. It is difficult to struggle with
death as your strength and
courage are completely gone in its presence. When I found my son, I
thought of how
Jonah must have felt when he was swallowed by a fish and how he cried
out to the Lord.
The Bible tells us in Jonah 2:1-2 “I cried out to the Lord in my great
trouble and He
answered me. I called to you from the world of the dead and Lord, you
heard me.”
When you encounter death, you become so weak and vulnerable that you
can hardly
stand. I have found that when life gets too hard to stand, you need
to kneel and you need
to call out to God. God will lift you out of the pit of despair and
set your feet on solid
ground and steady you as you walk along.
After Russ’s death, I found myself spending much of my time reading
books on
grief and trying to find ways I could recover from my tragedy. The
Temple Library has
many wonderful books that address the issue of grief and although the
books were helpful
and I am still reading them, the real answers are in the Bible. When
I read Psalms, I
could really identify with David and how he felt as he also was
completely filled with
grief. In Psalms 38:6, David says, “I am bent over and racked with
pain. All day long I
walk around filled with grief”. I couldn’t have described it any
better.
The Bible has all the answers but you need to spend time reading it.
You not only
have to read it, you have to study it and store those scriptures in
your mind and heart.
Since we are all busy, it is difficult to find time but it is
important you schedule the time
in your schedule. One activity which has been very helpful to me was
being involved in
Community Bible Study which is an organized way to study the Bible and
which has
motivated me to do my lessons each week. Community Bible Study meets
each Monday
at 7:30pm in Belton at First Baptist Church 506 North Main. This year
we are studying
Luke and it is such a blessing. Another great way is to read a
Once-A-Day Bible which
gives you a reading plan that will take you through the entire Bible
in a year. Last year, I
also participated in a Grief Series called GriefShare that was
extremely helpful. That
series will be offered again by Temple Bible Church and will be
starting soon so if you
are interested, contact Temple Bible at 254-778-3233. You can also
sign up for daily
emails to help you through the grieving process at www.griefshare.org.
God will
comfort you in your sorrows, if you allow Him to. Then you can give
that same comfort
to others with the help of the Holy Spirit. When you reach out to
someone else, your
grief begins to heal and it doesn’t seem so overwhelming. You will not
only bless others
but will be blessed yourself. Another great way to keep your eyes upon
Jesus is to listen
to KLOVE as much as you can. If you study your Bible and listen to
Christian music,
God will continue to bless you and encourage on your journey through
life. Blessings.
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